Did you know some religious groups will not bury a person who died by suicide in the same cemetery as those whose lives ended by other means? Regardless of one’s views on suicide think for a moment about the impact that creates on the family and friends of the person who died. Consider how that communicates shame. In fact, those who are bereaved by suicide are at higher risk for suiciding themselves. As one who has walked this journey I suspect one factor is not having safe spaces where people feel they can fully and openly grieve the loss of their loved one. I have met some individuals who have never told another soul that their loved one died by suicide because they fear this shame. They fear that they, and their loved one who died, will be judged. But this judgement, at least in the Christian context, is cultural. If you look through any story of suicide in the Bible it documents those deaths as a fact of how the individual died. It does not lay judgement on how they died. One of the most powerful examples of this is the story of Saul in the old testament who died by suicide the same day his son Jonathan was killed in battle. This story can be read near the end of 1st Samuel in the Bible. In the first chapter of 2nd Samuel King David is lamenting the death of Saul and Jonathan. He writes a poem he declares should be taught to all the children of Judah. In verse 23a David writes
“Saul and Jonathan—
in life they were loved and admired,
and in death they were not parted.“
But, wait a minute. One died by suicide and the other was killed in battle, and in their death they were not divided? So, if this judgement didn’t come from the Bible where did it come from?
The short answer to this is that there was a shift in the middle ages; a horrible time to be alive. Christians were literally dying to get in to heaven. How do you stop that? Some sects shifted death by suicide to be the equivalent of murder; a criminal activity. Therefore, if someone died by suicide it was said they would go to hell. And it went further than that. Because it was then viewed as a criminal activity the government in the day used that as a reason to confiscate any property the person owned instead of passing it on to the family. In fact, suicide was even a crime in Canada up until the 1970’s. Imagine attempting suicide, surviving (which is what we want,) and then having charges laid against you. Shame does not lead to healing. And healing is part of what is needed to help one break free from the cycle of suicide.
For a more indepth explanation you can listen to my talk “Mental illness, suicide, and finding God in the darkness,” which was given at Elevation Church a few years ago.
If you have lost a loved one to suicide I grieve for you. For I know first hand the impact the loss of those lives has on their communities. I also hope you will find solace in knowing that the Bible does not judge your loved one’s death; even though there is often great grief around it. My hope for you is that if you haven’t already you will find safe spaces to share your grief story, and know that your loved one was more than the decision they made in that last moment of their life. The way your loved one dies does not determine their ultimate destiny in the life hereafter. I will honour your loved one, as I honour mine, as the Bible honours them all…as people in great pain whose lives were more than how they died.
