It’s Wandering Wednesday. And today I’m exploring what grief and fog have in common.
Firstly I would like to recognize the traditional territory of the Anishinabek, Haudenosaunee (Iroquois,) Ojibway/Chippewa peoples upon which I tread.
Secondly, this video was nearly recorded in full, however ended slightly early. Below is the full transcript of the video so the full message is not lost.
“This is Shawna from Life Voice on #WanderingWednesday, and as you can see it is really foggy all around me. It’s actually been this way for two days now. Which is so bizarre because we might experience the fog for a period of time but then it lifts. And, ironically I’m actually on my way to a funeral today.
“I was thinking as I was driving that this is what it’s like to be in grief. If feels almost dream-like…or like a living nightmare. I remember once driving along the road and seeing a traffic light, but not being able to comprehend whether the colour I was seeing meant to stop or go. It was very dream-like; just like it is today. It’s disorienting because you can look around but you can only look so far. You can only make so much sense of the environment that you’re in, in that state, until the fog lifts. The thing with grief though, is that like fog it can come and go.
“Sometimes people think that the grief journey ends in a year. And then we wrap it up in this pretty package, put a little bow on it and go ‘Well, that was an experience. We’ll just put that off to the side and hide it in the closet and pretend it didn’t happen.‘ Not to say that’s what those who are bereaved do. But, often those who are the supporters for those who are bereaved may respond to those who are bereaved in that way. It’s important to understand that these seasons, these periods of time, they come and they go, and they come back. They stay for different periods of time. And that can be very unpredictable and individualistic and unique. So, it’s a good idea to do a check in with someone who has experienced loss. Particularly acute loss, like the loss of a family member. Maybe baby loss, pregnancy loss, a miscarriage. The loss of a parent. A co-worker. A fellow student. Even two years down the line, six years down the line, a decade, do a check in with that person. See how they’re doing in this snapshot of their journey. Are they feeling supported? Do they need support? How are they doing today?
“You don’t need to fix the grief. Grief exists so we can grieve. If you want to help just make yourself available. Enter the check-in with no judgement about where the person is at on their yo-yo of a grief journey. Be compassionate, and let them share freely with you. Foggy days of grief come and they go. And they come back again. That’s how it is with grief. And, that is unapologetically okay.”